Stimulants Of Sorrow

I cannot help myself when I’m looking into your eyes
And feeling a sudden rush of blood to my face
And I cannot defend my heart of wanting to embrace your soul
And running my fingers through your silky hair

These are the days when nights turned to emptiness
And moments of loneliness creeping internally
Moments shared seems so brief and insufficient
The feeling of hollow and ennui

Wish you were here and still very near
But I know somewhere in the sky my thoughts of you
will reach the stars beyond and carries the message of love
Hopefully, will unite with your dreams and on one fine day
We will be together…forever…

111103.5.12am needubymyside.

Us Against The World

When we were still together, one solid unit, nothing could stop us then. Nobody could break us. When the whole world seems to be against us, we are on top of that world. It was just us against them. And we are winning all the way.

 

When people say "It won't happen", we looked into each other eyes and say,"We'll make it happen!". When they say, "It won't last", we have faith and say, "We'll prove you wrong!" We are strong. Our bricks of love are cemented with our total faith in the relationship.

 

Whatever it is, we would figured it out together. We would hold hands and smile. Everything is going to be O.K.  We were young, confident but green and naive.

 

But when we came to a disagreement or unsatisfaction within us, everything is changed.

 

When we are against each other, the world seems to fell apart on us. Our world seems to crumble. Our lovely castle of dreams is shattered. We're lost...and the world find it's victory...

To Fall Head Over Heel

 
To fall in love is to go crazy over you
To do stupid things that are nice
To do nice things that are stupid
To feel helpless without you
To feel hollow without you
To brave all new things
To feel brand new all over again
To be someone different
To feel something different
Something beautiful, refreshing
To miss you everyday
Every minute, every second
To cry, to smile
To feel the warmth of your soul

 © Mosh. 141203.9.30 am Kg. Batu Gajah Pasir, Melaka, Sunday Mornin’ Blues

Enactment Of Spiritual Tragedies

Step by step, my anchoring feet walk the dark cold alley. Silence is such an awful feeling. Keeping all to yourself, no one else, only God though. Well they say if only God knows…well God does. Suddenly, I gasps for breath…hargh… 

Stuffs unspoken and things said not done brings only despair. Should I told her? Must I confront myself. Hoping for miracles…I’m useless! But…I believe in miracles…Wish you were here forever…the ghost of love…haunts deeper and deeper…
           
Am I  a sinner? Just wishing and helplessly hoping things to come my way. But like I said I’m helpless. Yes I prayed. God, how I prayed! It’s only natural in time of needs God is always there for me. But that is where things go wrong. It should be everytime not only a time of need.

 

Actually everytime is a time of need for God. I am a sinner! But I guess I am not too late…I still hoping though. Yes I have faith this time. Only time will tell…meanwhile the ghost of love roams helplessly seeking common ground…common souls…common goals…a passionate soul. A soul to squeeze…

            The ghost needs you…time will tell…time will tell…

Wishing You Notice My Soul. Keep On Praying.

No Need To Argue

I remembered the first time we argued. It was about nothing. Just some exchange of words which we both wished not said. It was not true entirely. But we said it because we each felt hurt. And we thought by hurting each other with those words can make ourselves feel better. But it doesn't.

When  a brief time apart actually is more hurting. One of us should make the first move to reconcile. And it was always you.

 

I guess in any relationship there's bound to be some frictions. When the closer we get, and more time spent together, the easier we tend to see each other weaknesses or lacks. The more we discovered having differences than we thought we have things in common before.

 

And at each time we don't see eye to eye, we will look for ourselves our own breathing space. And when we realized we actually needed each other, we find ourselves suffocates in that space. We void to re-unite and find 'us' again. We learnt something new in that relationship. We make room for improvement. We coped our differences. Until the next argument arise...

 

 

When Silence Means No

The buck stops here! Or is it? After much playing the innocent victim role, I guess I'm responsible for my life after all. The past life, present and also the future. Pointing finger leaves black marks in my heart and it is useless.

The best way is to re-examine myself first. What were my mistakes, so I could learn from it and hopefully never to commit it again. Blaming other will haunt my conscience forever. What's done is done anyway.

 

Recalling back, we never made a pact to be together. Although there is a chemical reaction between us, there is none verbal commitment. We never decided on taking the next step if there should be one. If it is the rule anyway. Should we? The question is , "Why should we?"

 

Are we were waiting on each other to say it first? Should it be me first? That is where I'm not good at, starting first. Can't I just show it with my actions and gentle gestures to you? I'm bad with words especially verbally. But on countless times have I shown you my care. You must have noticed it.  Well maybe you still need the verbal assurance which I have not given.

 

I guess I didn't give because I'm not sure about you having the same idea about 'us' as I have on my mind. I guess I feared rejection. I've traded my doubt and accepted a silent no silently when actually my 'silence' is my own enemy! God how weak was I then! And maybe till now...

A Sudden Demise Of Fate...Hate Conquers All

It was a shock for me. Without warning or notice, you quietly distanced yourself from me.  Like there's  nothing happened between us. As if we were never an item. I'm becoming the invisible man in your eyes.

 

Don't you think I deserved some explanation for this? Some clues on why you are giving me these cold treatments. The only thing that I could think of is that you are too scared to tell me the truth because the truth will not only hurt me but will also hurt you worst.

 

Well I'm already deeply hurt and wounded with your actions lately. You can go on acting as if nothing had happened if that gives you joy. I don't blame you. Let the time heal my wounds. Let the time give back your senses. And let the other times, the happy times, be remembered as a page in life diary.

 

The truth is, this is hard for me to swallow. It will take some time to heal. There is still hope. I know. From now on, I'll just pretend as nothing had happened between us. And what other people say will be DENY.

 

That No! I'm not sad, why should I? We were never an item. Why are you all think that so? You all got it wrong! We're just friends. Yes! It's nothing. I'm OK!, OK?! Yes! I'm happy that she is engaged now. Yes, I am! She is my friend, so I should be happy, you should too! Thanks also for you guys concern, bye!...sigh...

Ghost

I’m always here
At the beginning of the end
Trying to find a place and a stand
Why I’m here I don’t understand…
Could it be I’m just a haunting ghost?
Living in a dead world
Screaming for help but no one listens
Bleeding in pain dreaming of heaven
Or just confused of nothing but self pity ness
Lack of everything and every senses
Never I hold my future in my hands
My body only consumes boredom
Yet my heart wanting freedom
I’m a walking lost ghost

I’m just a failure-infected host.

A Walk In The Past

If there is one thing I cannot change is the past between us. The memories that remained everlasting. Through good or bad times. Through laughter or tears. Most of it, I'm there.

There are so much of the things we shared in common that it begins to make sense to me why we are separated (for the time being maybe..). The common things makes us competing against each other. At times, it's fun. At other times it's a risk. The drive to be better than the other when actually we should be ONE. When actually combined, we are the BEST.

Maybe that is where we've gone wrong. Or maybe it was me. I should have take one step back. When taking a step back means giving up to you and it's actually taking a step forward to have you.

But there was a thing called EGO which forbid me sometimes to let go. Ego and risk go hand in hand. And sometime taken, you found out that you have nothing in your hands afterward.

Like I've said, a risk taken is not worth to be regret. It should be viewed as a lesson in life. It should be celebrated as the courage to face fear. Sometime courage can be mistaken for arrogance. Feeding the ego of braveness.

Whatever it is, there are good times also. And much much more happier memories than the bad ones. Like I've said, I cannot change the yesterdays. This is a walk in the past to remember who we were and for as long as I can remember, I will cherish each and every moment when I was with you...

Endless Screams For Rejuvenation

Tick, tock, tick, tock...time slipping away as I lay in bed. Reflecting my past one year of quiet desperation for comfort of the soul. Back and forth, analyzing, judging. I am my own self critic.

A post mortem of actions, reactions, thinking and decisions taken. None of it should be regret. Flashes of memories re-enact. What should been done or spoken better? What should better not said or do? Whatever it is, I have lost you. A reality that has been accepted. I just want to know what really happened in the rigor mortis of our separation..

It is not sudden, that is for sure. A slow decaying incident that is not noticed by me (maybe I'm too blind, and you know what they say, love is blind!).

You're just slipping away slowly from me. Something happened and I know it's not me (because if it was me, you must have told me).

I came to a conclusion that this was a game played on me. A funny game. Well, life is funny I guess.

All said and done, I just don't want that past to be my mirror for the future, I wish. I can't turn back time and change things, that's for sure. But I can start now, if I want to, and make a brand new end. A better end hopely.

Where are you now? Can we start brand new? Hahaha...hopeless me...sigh!

Shadows Of Eternal Flame

As the sun rises in all it's glory. My thoughts gone deeper into the yesterdays. The more it seems that these days will be harder and harder to passed by without thinking of you.

A part of you have grown in me, aching to bloom through. The remains of memories that is hard to fade will be shadows of eternal flame.

We are at distance apart, but never in my heart. The fresh smell of the ocean reminds me of your smile. And the ripples of the water reminds me of your laughter. Laughing at my silly jokes, not knowing my true feelings and hopes.

I thought we are meant for each other and our destiny has been sealed. But God have bigger plans for you and maybe for me too. For us...

As I kept on walking this beautiful beach, I found out that there is nothing to regret about it. Fifteen years ago, I dreamed about a girl I never knew before, but we were having a great time together in a land I never been to before.

It felt like a long time although it was just a dream. When I woke up, I forgot how she looks like but I remember how good it feels being with her. That morning I feel so sad like I lost someone I really love. I can't remember her face but the memories is so sweet to forget.

Now, although I lost you, but I remember your beautiful face and the great time we had. Actually my dream came true when I found you and I reached my destiny when I lost you..